Great to have you here! Please, join our discussion, but first make sure you have read the rules on the front page. Below you’ll find a letter from a worried parent and my response. I am not a family father, so your practical experiences and reflections are of great value for our discussion. I changed the name of the parent (Imagine that!) and a few details. The letter itself is real. So is the question.
Dear Fr. Pawel,
In the four years my twin sons have been playing club soccer they have not missed a Sunday mass or Holy Day of Obligation. While out of state we have made sure we could find a mass even if it was a Spanish mass in Florida. I am trying to set the example of how important the commitment to Sunday Mass is but there will come a day were the conflict between their game schedule and mass times will force a difficult decision. I try to way the consequences. They have potential for a college scholarship and can be seen by scouts but I do not want to trivialize their commitment to the church. As a father how should I handle this situation when it comes up?
Rob Kowalski
Mr. Kowalski,
My spontaneous suggestions (there may be better solutions which I have not discovered yet):
- a regular Saturday evening Mass
- in case of a severe conflict go to a Saturday morning Mass or a Mass during the week.
I would like to share with you a few general reflections. Most are the repetition from the discussion “Why no more in church?”.
1. Please, rest assured that your honest effort to be a good Catholic father is known to God and he has been answering your prayers – you may not hear him yet. You are definitely not alone with this.
2. You have to know why You yourself go to Mass on a regular basis.
3. Your life (not words) has to be a testimony that living with God is better than without him. (It looks like you are doing your best in this area)
4. Your sons will question religion in some manner as a natural part of growing up.
5. With certain age they have to be allowed to make certain choices for themselves. As a good father/friend you will make sure they know your position and reasons for it, but they will decide for themselves. When this principle starts to apply also to Mass will vary from family to family and from child to child.
6. If the Mass and soccer are both the will of God for your child, then there must be a solution to seeming conflicts and God will help us find these solutions.
7. No matter what you do, God has to touch the hearts of your sons in order for them to choose Him when they grow up. If He does, they will go to church. If this personal encounter with God does not happen in their lives, they will probably discontinue going one day, soccer or not. We cannot produce the personal encounter with God but we can facilitate it and pray for it.
8. Some of the parents seem to be called by God to live in Christian faith and hope even if their kids abandon the Church, despite the best efforts of the parents. I hope that this answer is a good starter. Please, let me know what you think.
May God bless you and your family,
Fr. Pawel
We have had this problem a few times when our boys play out of state tournements. They know that we are committed as a family to attend Mass weekly. So they are not surprised when they see us on line looking for a Catholic Church near wherever they will be competeing. There have been a few times when it just was not possible to make it to either a Sat. night or Sunday mass and we have allowed them to miss but these have been few and far between and they know every effort will be made to find and attend a Mass. We have not required them to go to confession before attending Mass the following week. Do you think they should? Is it a sin to miss Mass under these circumstances? Apart from their own love for their sport there is also the obligation to be there for the team (who may be eliminated if not enough players are present). But if God comes first in our lives, we don’t want to act as if sports comes ahead of Him. What do you think? Has anyone ever asked you for dispensation if they knew they would miss Mass for travel reasons or sports reasons? Would you grant such a request?
By: Rita on February 6, 2008
at 8:52 pm
Dear Rita, it sounds like you both do your best to be good witnesses. Your boys see that you have a spine and that there are certain values which require tough choices. No matter what their choices regarding church are later in their lives you have provided them with this precious example that decent life includes values and character.
If Sat/Sun Mass is absolutely impossible I would recommend a weekday Mass (esp. Sat morning) as I already said in the introductory statement.
As I also said there, if it is God’s will for your sons to have both – then both things will be possible to have.
As Catholics we do sin if we miss Mass unless the reason is grave (look at “Excused” in the introduction to ‘Why no more in church’). If you are not sure whether the reason is grave, please, check with your pastor.
An excuse from Mass may be valid and thought through, or may be a first step in relativism.
I can hardly think of a situation when you skip Mass on Sunday and cannot make it up on another weekday at all. And if this is the case, then the reason must be really grave.
In case of doubt we would like to make sure that we bring it to God in the sacrament of reconciliation (confession) maybe not the very next day in fear and terror but definitely in the next future with trust and love.
I would start all reflections about choosing Mass or not with “Why go to Mass” as explained in ‘Why no more in church’.
By: Fr. Pawel on February 7, 2008
at 2:34 am