Catholic Parents

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With prayer, Fr. Pawel

Below some short reflections which do not comprise an exhaustive list.

• Why go to church?
• Excused are…
• Regarding your kids…

 Why go to church?

1. Our body needs a cycle of work and rest. So does our inner life. On a regular basis we need to stop and remember where we are running to, actually.
2. We have to rediscover over and over again that without the resurrection of Christ the whole life and every single trivial step in between would have a different meaning.
3. We need to reconnect with others who share our values. We need to repeatedly observe that others confess their sins, listen to the Word, sing to the Lord, etc.
4. Prayer and preaching from others provide us with a necessary external perspective that would be missing if we relied solely on our private devotions, becoming victims of our own subjective moods.
5. According to the Bible we cannot have a good access to God outside of a faith community.
6. Going to church every Sunday is thus an expression of my love toward God, my family, others, and MYSELF.
7. Going to church every Sunday does not mean that I like it every time. It means that I understand the importance of my values and stick to them regardless of my mood on a particular day. The payoffs from my values will start appearing only if I live my values consistently.

Excused from Mass are Catholics in case of:

• illness, care of infants, other grave situations
• particular reasons – if dispensed by their own pastor

If we really understand “Why go to church?”, few occasions will really “logically” explain our skipping Mass. Another question might be helpful: “What else important do I do regularly (except for work)? Would I skip it on such an occasion?”

  Regarding your kids…

I am not a family father. Your practical experiences and reflections are, of course, more valid. Below are mine. Most are the repetition from the discussion about sports. Feel free to fiercely chop them to pieces and present yours. I would emphasize especially point 10.

1. God is with you in this challenge and he sees your honest efforts. He sees your pain and He shares it with you wholeheartedly.
2. You have to know why YOU yourself go to Mass on a regular basis even if you were the only Catholic on Earth.
3. Your life (not words) has to be a testimony that living with God is better than without him.
4. Your child will question religion as such in some manner as a natural part of growing up.
5. Your child will question your values and try out others as a natural part of growing up.
6. With certain age s/he has to be allowed to make certain choices for her/himself. As a good parent/friend you will make sure they know your position and reasons for it, but they will decide for themselves. When this principle starts to apply also to Mass will vary from family to family and from child to child.
7. Discussion about Mass belongs to every family (also non-religious) and they are only part of a bigger universal discussion about values, about right and wrong. The occurrence of such discussions should be as normal as conversations about cleaning up.
8. If the Mass and e.g. football are both the will of God for your child, then there must be a solution to seeming conflicts and God will help us find these solutions.
9. You can insist on going to church to some point because the dilemma and the temptation will continue throughout the entire life of your child anyway.
10. No matter what you do, God has to touch the hearts of your children in order for them to choose Him when they grow up. If this happens, they will continue going to church once on their own. If this personal encounter with God does not happen in their lives for some reason, they will probably discontinue going one day anyway. Their openness to God is essential. We cannot produce the personal encounter with God but we can facilitate it and pray for it.
11. We do not pray for wisdom for ourselves. We do not pray for wisdom for our kids. We tell God specifically what to do regarding our kids and then lose faith because He did not comply fast enough.
12. Regarding blame I am not sure whether pointing fingers or splitting hair here makes any difference to anybody at all. Lay in front of God what you think is your fault, receive His forgiveness, do your penance and start living a new life of a forgiven Christian. Maybe THAT has been missing all the time?
13. Some of the parents seem to be CALLED by God to live in Christian faith, dignity and hope this painful fact that their kids abandoned the Church, despite the best efforts of the parents. Others are called to live in dignity as infertile, poor or disabled, etc. without knowing why.